A year at home

After we had a kid or two, we knew we wanted to do this together. We wanted to be a team. We believe we each have distinct roles in our family, and that as equal partners we have a responsibility to help each other in those roles. We didn't want one of us carrying everything alone.

My wife wanted to finish her master's degree so she could work from home while our kids were young. My work was gracious enough to let me go part-time, so she went back to work full-time and I stayed home with the kids.

That year, I realized there was a lot I just didn't naturally keep track of. I played with the kids and fed them, but I'd forget things at the store. I remember using our very last diaper. When my wife came home and asked where the diapers were, I said, "I used the last one. They're gone." I felt so embarrassed in that moment.

"What should we eat this week?"

Even before kids, meal planning was a mental block for us. We'd both get home from work, one of us would ask what we wanted for dinner, and nothing sounded good. I didn't have the capacity to think about one more thing.

So I started keeping a list of meals we liked. Every time we tried something new and loved it, it went on the list. When we planned the week, I'd read it off like a menu: "Anything sound good?" Choosing from a menu was easy. Coming up with a plan from scratch was what I hated.

Shopping wasn't much better. With little kids, we'd go to the store for milk, get everything else, and walk out without the milk. Another trip with little kids is no small thing.

Ten things from ten places

Like a lot of young families, we hunted for the cheapest price, so our protein powder came from one place, groceries from another, and a pile of subscriptions from somewhere else. We'd buy more protein powder, then our subscription would show up two days later and we'd have twice what we needed. Other times we'd skip the store because an order was "coming soon," it didn't come, and we ate out for weeks. We never really knew when we were out of something.

Tabs that wouldn't close

Then there were chores. My wife was always stressed, and I didn't understand why. I'd see a mess at night and plan to get to it in the morning, because I wanted to spend time with her. But she couldn't relax until it was done, so when I sat down, she got up and did it herself. I was confused, and she was exhausted.

Unless I took full ownership of something, it stayed open in her mind like a browser tab that couldn't close.

And she had so many tabs open: our finances, the kids' needs and schedules, work, everything. Some stayed open for weeks. I never knew they were there.

So we started another shared note: the things that mattered to her and the things I was focused on. Once I could see her list, I could take things off it. She could see what mattered to me, too. We started sharing the load, the invisible load neither of us realized the other was carrying.

From two notes to an app

Reading down our meal list every week, I thought, why not have something just hand me five meals for the week, and five different ones next week? With AI, surely we could do that. The more we thought about it, the more we wanted our chores in the same place.

Then the calendar. My wife doesn't like surprises, but I wouldn't think to bring something up until the deadline, when she had no time to plan. Our phone calendars wouldn't even sync both ways. So we built one into StayWell, with one thing we really needed: tentative plans. If a friend and I talk about dinner, I can put it on the calendar as tentative. She gets a notification, and it opens the door to a conversation early, before anyone has committed to anything. It works the other way too. If she wants to get to the gym, she can tentatively plan it, and I can confirm it so she knows I saw it. I'm all for it, and I'll take care of everything at home so she can go.

How StayWell was born

It became a tool for us to communicate better. With so much going on, it was nice to have something that helped us offload some of the mental load so we could focus on what matters most. It also gave us ways to support each other and share the load together.

If you don't share the load, it quietly falls on one person. It's invisible, and that's how couples end up not on the same page.

StayWell has changed our family. It supports us as we try to have the best marriage, family and home we can. That's how StayWell was born.